1976.1 FM - No One Blogs Harder

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Write a 600 word or less response to this question and send it to erin@nerve.com by 5:00 p.m. on Sunday, February 1st and win a SNUGGIE, the laziest product since liquified bread.

Dear Miss Information,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. We get along great, but his first language is German and he's not big on emotional chats, so our communication is sometimes less-than-stellar. He knew that before him, I dated a woman for two-and-a-half-years. But when I took him dancing at a gay club, he was super-uncomfortable. After some prying, he admitted that he thinks being gay is wrong. I was shocked. How could I date someone so ignorant? What would my queer friends think?

I thought about breaking up with him, but I love him. He doesn't think this is something he should worry about, much less try to work through. He isn't hateful, he just doesn't know many gay people. He's perfectly nice to my lesbian friends. The language barrier makes talking about emotionally charged stuff difficult. I think about having kids with him, but I'd die if we had a gay son who had to deal with a homophobic father. I'm twenty-five and he's twenty-two, so it's not like either of us has totally figured out our belief systems. I just can't decide if his current views are a dealbreaker. I still want to be involved in gay culture, and wish I had a partner who was cool with that. Is it okay to keep dating him, and just let all this slide?

Hoping It Will Go Away

this week's column and more details here

A Little Announcement
Monkey1976 will be moving to Friends-Only status starting today. That means unless you have a LJ account and are on my friends list you won't be seeing shit. Sorry to all you miscellaneous lurkers out there, but unfortunately it had to happen.

ok, so grandma has told you guys time and time again how much she likes porn and how much she likes

www.hotmovies.com

as a porn provider

however, this review of the video "german swingers" she finds a little disconcerting:

GERMAN SWINGERS PART II
The Germans are known for their imposing personalities and their totalitarian regimes. The thing that they're not often thought of is being the sharing type. But these German couples share. In fact they share their partners quite liberally. They put a new spin on the perception of this country as they fuck each other like they enjoy sauerkraut. And you will enjoy them more then sauerkraut, especially in the final orgy scene…

ok, "totalitarian"???? "sauerkraut"?????? i can think of no two words that are more girlboner-killing than those. what the fuck? stick to shit like 'jizz-worthy' and 'get your rocks off'

poor writer, i'm guessing they're a repressed auteur and want to move on to something else but this is paying the bills right now and they can work from home so they'll try to get as much out of it as possible...

sing it, waylon

let it out, baby

still don't like the beverage unless it's a totally adulterated form, like peach snapple
crossing the street to go to work and i have to wait for a car to go by. it's a silver bentley, which makes me go 'ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'
then i notice that the driver is ice T and i go 'aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh'
and then i realize i'm sort of in ice T's way and i better move.
so i do and then i go rub one out

GUILTY!
of wearing a bolo tie

*not guilty of that baby rape stuff

JACKO VERDICT IN 20 MINUTES

tender moments
sometimes i get a little bit sad when i think about how i left google before i could cash in all my stock. especially so today, when shares are hovering around $300 and all of wall street is walking around with raging boners in their brooks brothers slacks.

then i think about the sales conference i attended right around this time last year, when i had to join a group of 15 fellow co-workers in making a human letter "T" while chanting "TEAMWORK! TEAMWORK! GET ON THE TEAMWORK TRAIN!" and making chug-a-chug engine noises in front of a room full of 300+ people

and i feel like a rich, rich lady.

what is it called when you are writing jokes and you have the paranoia that:

a. you've already done this joke before and you're repeating it
b. someone else has already done this joke before and you're repeating it

i'm not talking about 'in the same vein' or 'similar to' - i'm talking about the EXACT SAME JOKE. it sucks, it's stopped me from writing a bunch of shit and i'm wondering how people get over it. i usually don't write it when in doubt, but i'm wondering if there are any other strategies.

UPDATE: Thanks to everyone for all their help. I'm back to work on my joke about a chicken crossing a road and why he would do such a thing with renewed vigor.

WORST CATCALL EVER
walking to work this morning through chinatown

construction worker: hey miss!

me: (turns around, glances over shoulder)

construction worker: you look tired

working from home today. it makes me miss freelancing. also, sunshine and mid-day masturbating.

i have decided to be unhappy this week. i think the pressure of my sister's mess is getting to me. also i'm worrying about my one remaining grandma dying.

i just ordered 50 stickers that say "this insults women" from this site. i'm going to slap them on copies of Maxim, american apparel ads, and shania twain albums. also - aaron and tony.

ROPER, ROPER Burning Bright
tonight Roper is going to be at Ace Bar at 6:15 p.m. - whenever for happy hour.

she doesn't have a cell phone, so call me to arrange a meet-up.

just looked at paramedic's friendster profile. he has a new picture up where he's staring into the camera like a sex offender and his upper lip is all sweaty and richard nixon-looking.

for someone who majored in photography and really isn't that bad looking in person, he sure knows how to put up the UGLIEST, most unflattering photos of himself.

i also see that he hasn't taken my advice and gotten a professional to cut what little remains of his hair. i didn't think it could get any worse than the dominican who was doing the $7 dollar hack job on his head, but now i see that was a mistake.

his nerve profile has also been updated and now says something to the effect of "i cut my own hair" as if this makes him all down to earth and folksy.

dear boys: when will you stop bragging about how little you pay for a haircut as if it's some sort of badge of honor? it's not like you're cheap about other things - i've seen you at the bar with your $7 dollar beer and your $10 dollar whiskey. i've seen your foo foo messenger bags and your fancy sneakers and your iPods. you wear your hair EVERY DAY of your life. why not spend $40 bucks and have someone do a good job? you will get laid more and your penis will thank you.

they want to put the runaway bride in prison for 6 years
http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=789650

seems fair, considering the average time served for rape is just under 3 years (35 months)

don't get me wrong, she should have to pay a huge fine and maybe a *little* jail sentence is in order, but 6 years? riiiiiighhhhht...

the only real crime was being LOOONEY enough to want to flee marriage. could you imagine if a man had done the same thing?? he would be on Leno right now and making the press tour "boy, you sure escaped a close one, didn't you buddy! i'd pretend i was kidnapped too, hah hahah chuckle snort"

FLEET WEEK
http://www.gothamist.com/archives/2005/05/25/fleet_week_begins.php

ladies and gays, start your engines, it's fleet week.

last year i sat down in the middle of a group of sailors on the N train and tried on their hats (guess who was drunk?)

the year before that i bought sailors beers in mcsorley's, including a lady gay sailor (is there any other kind?)

this year? STOWAWAY STATUS

i just dropped potato chips down my cleavage. i feel like anna nicole.

so far
1 muffin
2 cookies
1 godiva chocolate

how about you?

somebody help me stop
i've played like 50 rounds so far

http://kittenwar.com/

sometimes when i listen to D12 i pretend that i'm a black male gangster hustler. not the experienced OG type, but a young, blood hungry thug who will shoot for no reason and treat women like cum containers.

it's dumb and probably a little bit racist but the music gets me so fucking excited i can't handle it.

i wonder if black people ever listen to this guy and feel the same way?